Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Drunk is not a location!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
