I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
