I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I will pee on everything he values.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
