There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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