Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
