There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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