Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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