i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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