i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
