Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
