I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
