omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
