I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
