my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
