Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
