how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
