I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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