Life is so much better after having sex.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
