life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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