LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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