My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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