Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
