people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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