I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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