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lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
