My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
