i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
