eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
