Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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