im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
