Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
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