He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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