Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Can you bring me the toilet please
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
