I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
