So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Randomize
