It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I intend to get homeless drunk
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
