How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
