Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
