Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
