Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
