i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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