i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
