are you still at the devil's house?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
