You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
this will be a night to untag.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
