Having a random hookup so left but love u
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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