Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
