I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
