and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
