WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The air was thick with penises
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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