i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
