It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
