He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
