All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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