I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
