Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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